Looking back on 2016

With every new year comes a time for retrospection (don’t know if this is a word, I mean “retrospective introspection”). I’ve had a very shitty end of 2016 year. I was sick, tired, depressed, feeling that the world was going on without me and that no one cared if I was lagging behind. I overworked myself and felt as if the kids were set to slowly kill me with their screams and pokes and marker-battled faces. Truth be told, giving daddy a break will just never be on top of a toddler’s agenda. That lead me to a downward slope.

I woke up on the 31st feeling I would never make it to 2017. I just couldn’t figure out why I came to such a state of exhaustion. Let’s face it, I’ve been a house-husband for a year now. That doesn’t sound so bad, does it? Spending time with the kids, freedom to choose my agenda, time for hobbies, personal projects… I quit my previous job thinking that the next year would be the greatest time of my life, that it would transform me, make me a better man, a better dad, a smarter engineer. That’s partially true.

I’ve learnt so much last year.

• I learnt to stand in the face of uncertainty.
• I learnt that family and work do not mix well and require clear separation.
• I learnt to let go when some other things require focus.
• I learnt that home truly feels home only after you leave and return home.
• I learnt that health is the core foundation to everything.
• I learnt that I’m not invicible.
• I learnt that mastery takes time and takes its time.

But it all came at a cost. For every smile I worked out of my kids, I sweated my heart out. For every pay-day, I worked long hours into the night. I did not expect that it would be such a hard trade-off. I dived into this believing I’d be juggling all of that with absolute ease and simplicity. I did not. I was naive enough to believe that overnight success would necessarily come from breaking free of corporate slavery. It did not. Life is definitely not black and white. The internet set me up.

Was it worth it though? Hell yes. I woke up on January 1st with a smile on my face. I came a long way since January 2016. I accomplished something I believe not many have the chance to do in their lifetime. Be with my kids, reposition myself, try things out. Was it hard? Hell yes. But I survived so far. Would I do it again? If the right opportunity presents itself, probably. But I’ve finally understood that success never comes alone. One needs mentoring, a partner, a source of inspiration, positivity and encouragement to push oneself further. Thinking we can do it all ourselves is naive. I’ll have to work on that first before I can continue this journey further.